Wednesday, 28 March 2012

Two Faces


Fearfully I look into the mirror
Behind the dust tells my story
Do I want to continue looking

My father looks back short and stocky
My Mothers tallness and skinny physique
My Sister with her black hair and sparkling blue eyes

All I see is eyes full of hurt
Past piercing on my lobes, holes still showing
My face shape unbeknown to me

The blonde hair, my prized possession, 
A kind sweet smile just like my Nan,
I realise Genes affect me in every way

I keep looking trying to see what face appears
As I dim the lights I see two faces
Mine now and the face of my past.

Friday, 9 March 2012

GBE 2 Confrontation


I do not like confrontation. I can’t stand it & the only way I deal with awkward situations is to start giggling or to crack a joke. I never used to be like this. I would stand up to anyone anytime; it was part of my job & the job environment I was in. But over the years I’ve lost the need to stand up to people.

I will argue my point to people but if it gets too OTT then I will bail out. I have no idea where this bail out has come from or when it developed but I think it stems from getting too tried arguing with members of my family. It got to a point where I thought why the hell am I doing this, there’s no point as it never changes anything anyways.

Yet when someone ‘picks’ on a member of my family I will growl like a lioness & protect them. I had to do that a few months back with someone who was rude & disrespectful of a family member & they didn’t understand what they had done wrong & they believed everyone else was in the wrong & that they were right all along. I fought & fought. Loads of yelling phone calls later I was hung up on. Now that gets me going. I hate being hung up on for no reason. So more calls later the yelling stopped & since then I haven’t spoken to that person. I told them they not only owe my family members an apology but that they also owe me one for being rude & using me for information. When that call happens the first thing I want is an apology if it doesn’t come I shall politely end the call. If it comes I will explain why I bit & what they have done wrong over a period of time. (Believe me it would take a whole novel to write all about this one time).

All though that was a one off for me I hated the way I felt afterwards. I would prefer to write letters & explain my point of view as to why I feel the way I do about situations. It might be a lesser confident way out of confrontation but to me it works more effectively as you can say all you need to say rather than missing out bits when confronting someone or something. I need things written down so that I remember them all & that way it also gets it all out of your system & you are left to think of other more important things. 

Psychic Night

I went to a psychic night the other evening. Now I do believe in these kinds of things but for some reason I held some reserve back for that evening. When I arrived with my sister in law, her friend & my husband we discovered the lady was running late having only just arrived – an hour later than planned – so we had to sit & wait….& obviously consume a couple of drinks!

Finally we were called one by one. Our friend went first out of us all & we sat there imagining what could be said to each of us individually. Then it was my turn to go in. I was expecting to go through perhaps some black or dark blue curtain type hanging thing, to come across some low lighting or even some scented candles but instead I got something completely different…

The pool room of a pub, behind some MDF ply wood boards on wheels, the lady sat at a pub table – a small round one – with an empty ½ pint lager glass next to her tarot cards. The area was brightly lit & felt very uncomfortable. She smelt of patchouli oil & kept going out for a cigarette.

She told me to have a seat, shuffle the cards, split into 3 piles & select one. She then asked me what kind of reading I wanted & had I ever had a reading done before. I shrugged – I know not a very good start from me! – said I’m not sure & no I hadn’t. So she decided on a general reading for me.

Now my advice if you ever go to a psychic night… 1. Take your drink in with you. 2. Prepare some thoughts/questions beforehand 3. Decide on a type of reading you may want (search on Google for some ideas) & 4. Never give much away.

The lady told me that a woman close to me has issues with swollen legs/ankles & they need to get them checked out. I have no idea who that lady may be…so I kept an open mind. She then went on to tell me that a man close to me is good with wood work & will create/make something that will pay him well this year – the only man I know who could do this is my grandfather so maybe?….still kept my mind open.

Then she went on & started to describe my character: strong inside, will try hardest at anything, very emotional, enjoys a laugh, puts on a smile even if things are tough, been through a lot in the past but I’ve now come over the hill & this year will be a good year for me…yay!

By all accounts I will have a lucrative business in…wait for it…Jewellery making!! Now for those who really know me know I’m useless at making anything – even my father laughed when I told him this bit! – I had to giggle at the lady & explained that I cannot make paper planes let alone jewellery. I’m not creative that way. But she insisted so I just said oh ok then & smiled.

I’m going to have 3 children – yikes! & I also have a dark corner in my home that I dislike being near. She thought it was a dog kennel…now why would I 1. Have a kennel in my home? They are mainly for outdoor use aren’t they? & 2. Dislike being near it? If it homes a cute doggy or a puppy I wouldn’t dislike going near it in my home would I?? I explained to her: no kennel, no dogs, therefore I had no idea what she was talking about. She said nope there is definitely a dark corner I do not like being near. I explained then that the only darkish corner is where my desk is & she said all happy: yeah that’s it but you need more lights or candles around you so you like it more….now surely that is just common sense?? (& nope I still haven’t put candles/more lights in that corner…I don’t want her to win this point ha!)

So I’ll have 3 children, make money by setting up & making jewellery & I need brighter lights around my work space as I’m strong inside yet very emotional & will worry about a lady with swollen ankles/legs while my grandfather continues to make things out of wood…yep ok all there so far. As you can see I wasn’t really that impressed by this point, maybe I should have gone in with questions.

Now the next part she told me nearly made me pee my pants. She began turning more cards over out of the pack I had selected & her eyebrows shot up & a “ooh” came out…my initial thought was “oh shit she’s pulled out the death card” *wink wink* to be honest I can’t remember what card she oohed at but I didn’t draw the death card once. So anyways she went on to tell me this…

You are an excellent cook & love food especially experimenting with it, you could be a chef!...that’s where I laughed & nearly peed myself! For those who don’t know I’m useless at cooking. I overcook everything near on burning it all & to be honest the only thing I can make & cook perfectly is beans on toast. No joke. I can’t cook & when I told her this she looked at me as though I was lying!!

The other day I even managed to burn a pizza that was meant to take 10 minutes so I gave it 15 minutes to be sure. Undercooked food scares me, burnt food makes me feel safe even though all the flavour has gone! Ha.

So she went on to say that in that case a woman in my family…my younger sister to be precise…is a chef & can make a 3 course meal out of scraps & slops, but she needs pushing as she doesn’t know or realise she could be the next Jamie Oliver! I oohed & ahhed then said “well she can give me lots of money when she becomes rich then, especially for my jewellery business!” she looked at me as if to say I’ll be glad to get this one over with quickly…

Then she did! She said well that’s about it do you have any questions. I stuttered, said nope & it was all over. She obviously disliked my sense of humour – but she did know I was strong inside & that I enjoyed a laugh. It was good, something different to experience &  at least I now have some insight into the weird life I shall lead & that of my family.