Tuesday, 1 November 2011

Wedding day bliss

I'm now a married woman. Yey to me! The day was perfect in every way possible. I thought I’d be the nervous 'bridezilla' but I was in fact so chilled I surprised myself!

We had a lovely morning walk along the seafront with my now sister in law carrying the most GORGEOUS cake she had decorated for us in our colours. We dropped it off at the venue & fixed the feathers & hearts to the top of it then went & grabbed a coffee. I was watch checking thinking “oh I have to shower, do my make-up, hair & get dressed”.

We got back to the hotel & I begun my regime of getting ready. Make-up went on perfectly, my hair was gorgeous finally staying in place & then I slipped my dress on. It was wonderful. I even placed the garter on my leg (that I'd been given as a gift the night before by my sister in law) & felt naughty...trouble was I felt embarrassed as well as I knew it would be there as my dad walked me into the room! * shudders * My husband went & got himself ready as I made sure we had the rings, the music & that the taxi was booked. Everything was falling into place nicely & together we looked fabulous.

Our anniversary cards sat on the table waiting for us to exchange when we got back (we were actually getting married on our 1 year anniversary. We jumped into the cab & were on our way to be married.

We arrived at the town hall & my family were already there waiting, smartly dressed, beaming smiles & I found myself with tears in my eyes as I hugged them. That's when the nerves set in! I thought “omg now I’m nervous”. More people began to arrive, hugs & kisses were exchanged then we wandered off to check all the details were in place. Then we were allowed to begin our ceremony...

I had to sit in a separate room with my dad who being fatherly said to me “are you sure about all this?” I said “hell yeah I am.” then when we were informed we could enter the room he said “we could always do a runner now just you & me if you want?” I just laughed & imagined my mum hobbling after us in her leg cast from her recent operation. I said “no I wanna do this, I’m ready.” Suddenly all my nerves had gone. I was getting married!!

My dad & I walked into the room to the chilled out music we had selected & I didn't realise that everyone had been asked to stand & applause as we walked in, much to the embarrassment of my dad – bless him. The camera flashes begun as I sat next to my one true love. We held hands throughout knowing it was completely right.

We were thrilled & as we exchanged vows & rings we couldn't help but grin at each other. U stuttered once slightly but I think that was because I just wanted to laugh out loud at the fact that the day had finally arrived.

Everyone clapped as the ceremony drew to a close & as we signed the register the cameras started again – the poor registar had to tell people to for 'legal reasons' – wtf? Who would really want to zoom in on our signatures??

We did the posing pictures which to honest is not us – we both hate posing for pictures but of course we did it & looking at some of the pictures some awful ones came out in the posing process! Then our guests were lined up to congratulate us as they walked out of the double doors. It was quite amusing as people filed out kissing & hugging us whilst also trying to take more pictures. It felt very surreal & again all I wanted to do was laugh! My cheeks were hurting from all the smiling & I hadn't even got to the after venue yet.

We came out of the doors as husband & wife to throwing of confetti – which landed down my dress! As more pictures were taken before we led the group of guests to the one knew where we were going until we took them there. So we all walked to the venue & entered it as newly weds. The balloons had been put up & the cake was out on the table. The staff were fantastic, very welcoming & couldn't do enough for us.

We all got our drinks & had a few rounds before cutting the cake. My sister in law had brought a firework type of candle to light on the top of it. It took a few goes to light it but once it was lit it looked fantastic. Yet much to the amusement of everyone we actually managed to set the fire alarms off twice!! At least we all knew they worked.

It was fabulous & as we cut the cake everyone was eager to have a slice. We had sandwiches as well & then after a fair few hours people began to leave. The day was drawing to a close...or so I thought.

Instead along with my husband, sister in law, nephew, brother in law & my husband's best friend we all stayed on having a few more drinks & dinner together! It was quite amusing eating sausage & mash on our wedding day! But it was a perfect ending to the day. Then though we moved onto a local American diner where we played pool, drunk milkshakes & beer whilst laughing, laughing & laughing!

After that we said goodbye & headed to our hotel where we were greeted by a huge gorgeous bunch of white roses! My sister in law remembered my favourite flower & had arranged for them to be put in the room for when we returned. She's a diamond! She had even said to my husband that he could 'pretend' they were from him if he wanted. Awww.

We got changed out of our bride & groom outfits, laid out on the bed & opened our cards. We talked for a while while listening to music...then fell asleep!! We were so tired we actually slept lol.

The following morning we woke to breakfast in bed & as I looked over to my husband I thought “wow life can not get any better than this...”

The week before I say "I Do"

A week before I was due to get married I was a nervous fool. My main concern was was that my fiancé would be well on the day. He had been told he had a form of viral pneumonia & was put on antibiotics to try & clear it up. I was praying he would be well on the wedding day & was butt kicking him to rest up loads.

I had been making list upon list the few weeks before the wedding & yet I still kept forgetting things when I was in the shops! That meant numerous back & forth to the same shops to buy extra things. The staff must have been thinking “oh no not her again!”

I brought balloons a few days before & found the perfect coloured ones. They matched our colour theme but omg it took some hunting to find them! You can buy packs of multi coloured ones but when you only need one specific colour it's impossible to find! I definitely didn't need bright pinks/greens/yellows or orange ones. But tucked away in the corner of one shop there they were. I was like a smiling child!

The next step was underwear. I thought that would be the easiest thing to buy. I know my sizes for a bra etc but walking into a women’s lingerie department I began to panic. I knew I needed white but did I want: lace/padded/under wired/patterned/plain/straps/strapless/t-shirt shaped/full cupped? It's bonkers! So I did a sensible thing & asked for assistance. She measured me& told me I was bigger than what I was actually wearing. So for a while I’ve been wearing the wrong size anyway. Perfect!

So I wandered around with this lady trying to select bras. First she led me to the bridal section suggesting I pay £30 plus for one bra! Why? I just needed a strapless bra to go under THE dress. I didn't need one where you can remove this & that or add this & that with pretty patterns on. I'm a girl who likes simple things. I don't need fancy underwear on my wedding day. I wanted something comfy but nice. It wasn't like all the guests were going to see it!

I informed the lady it was a white dress that you could slightly see through therefore I needed white undies & a white bra. That was my first faux par! DO NOT wear white undies under a white dress. She told me in no uncertain terms that everyone would see it. OMG. I didn't want that, imagine the pictures! So she said only wear cream or ivory. Everyone thinks white dresses = white undies. But it's wrong. So I had to start my search all over again. I finally found some styles I liked & in the correct size that she had said I was & off I popped to try them on.

Next came her faux par...they were too big! Because I needed strapless they obviously had to be tightly fitted in the cup area. These were not. So I got changed & went out & selected the size I thought I was. In the changing rooms I took everything off (again), put the bra on & found yep it was also still too big. I was boiling hot & sweating as I put on & took off every layer of they really need to put heating on in changing rooms in the summer??

So there I was sweating in a pair of jeans & a bra that was still too big! The lady comes along to ask how I was doing & I explain the dilemma. Her suggestion... Drop a size completely. WTF?? She goes off & finds me another bra that is whole size & cup smaller. It made me awful. One minute I’m being told I’m bigger than what I thought, the next I’m being told I need a whole size smaller. I wanted to be praised instead of being handed a smaller bra.

I took the bra from her & thought “there's no way I’m going to fit into that, I’ll be all squashed up” but as I put it on I realised it fitted me perfectly...damn that woman! So I stood there admiring how good I looked in this bra & thought I don't actually mind the smaller size if it fits that perfectly. It held me in everywhere & wasn't baggy in any area.

I brought it there & then...well after I’d put my clothes back on...& felt pleased with the purchase, but as I walked out the shop panic set in – what if it did actually show under the dress? I rushed home & tried everything on. It was magical. The lady was right – ivory/cream works wonders under white. A lesson I learned & shall pass on to all women.

We had also finally sorted out our music selection. It's one of those things you can spend months & months thinking about with constant mind changes, then when you finally have a time frame on when you have to make a decision it all falls in to place & you go “oh yeah those were the choices we had decided on first thing”.

So my outfit was sorted. I had chosen my jewellery. I also had the most gorgeous bag courtesy of my sister in law (to be), it was the perfect colour & has my favourite flower on it. So the music was done, balloons were brought, the cake was sorted & catered for with those with dietary you know you can now buy diabetic cake! Wow times have changed. After venue was booked, final check list was sent off to the registry office & my fiancé had even got his suit – there was mild panic from me saying “um we have two weeks to go can we please go & find a suit”.

It was great. He went in, got measured & there was one left in his size. Plus we even managed to get discounts off it as well. It looked gorgeous on him, actually he looked like a film star – quite fitting seeing as he is a script writer! The shirts were on order & I was praying they would be in on time.

The only thing I was waiting for was for my fiance to get better & be well enough on the day. All the family were sending well wishes & telling him to rest up & sleep. I did have to explain how difficult it was to tell someone that when all they wanted to is get out & about. Perhaps I should have got the frying pan out & knocked him out for a few days in order to insist he rested up.

Wednesday, 21 September 2011

Looking One Year Ahead

'One Year Ago.'

I like Beth's take on this topic. I had been thinking about the past year but realised that although a lot has happened - getting engaged, planning the wedding & then getting married - they are obviously all very important & special things to occur within one year, but I got thinking thanks to Beth about what I hope will happen in the coming year. September 2011 - September 2012.

My Fiancé (ok husband by the end of September 2011) & I have been thinking about the future & what we want to achieve within the next year…

The first stepping stone is for us to say our vows to one another & for me not to faint in the middle of the ceremony lol! Then to enjoy our honeymoon, relaxing, eating, reading lol, taking lots of pictures & hoping to remember to pack everything I need!

The main achievement for us as a married couple is to move somewhere permanently. We have a couple of ideas up our sleeve that we shall be exploring as Mr & Mrs, we want to find a place that is going to be better for us, to give us a better way of life & somewhere that has plenty of opportunities for us work wise & life wise. It’s actually exciting wondering what the first few months of husband & wife will hold for us.

This time next year (2012) I will have gained my honours degree!! Which will be a great achievement for me considering I thought I’d never complete a degree full stop…mind you having just read the assignment questions I think I might be rethinking how I approach this course & start panicking now!

I also hope to have many short stories & poems published. I always forget I’m a published poet but I would like to see my name in print more frequently. I will also be working on a couple of novel ideas that I have up my sleeve & perhaps finally learn how to self-publish….maybe that’s how I should/will publish my short stories & poems??

Within the next year there could in fact be many possibilities. I know one thing for sure. I shall be happily married & living somewhere that gives us both a settled, joyful existence filled with many opportunities. I know I will be lucky to achieve even a slight portion of the above or even if all of it does happen then I shall be dancing like a mad person round the room with a huge grin!

Sunday, 28 August 2011


Oh what a great blogger I am...Not!

I have just been going through the comments on my posts & replying in the modest way...then i went back & thought right time to clear all this up & so i clicked on delete & somehow this has now managed to delete ALL the comments on my blog....i thought it would just delete them from the comment box in my settings menu.

So all those comments from my readers have gone. Disappeared into thin blogger air. I'm sorry my readers...i even had some witty replies from me as well! grrrr. lol.

I now know that i can never delete comments from the comment box setting thingy in the design & settings menu....that sucks though as it looks so much neater & cleaner when it's empty lol. Oh well....i shall live & learn.

Sorry again my readers....i shall avoid the delete button like the plague in future :o)

Friday, 26 August 2011

Fiction or non-fiction?

Another prompt on: was: Would you rather publish fiction or non-fiction?

Fiction. Hands down every time. I had thought one time ago about trying my hand at writing non-fiction but I couldn’t get my real thoughts/feelings down onto the page. Then two years ago when I was doing a creative writing course I had to do a piece of non-fiction writing.

It was the hardest piece of written work I’ve ever completed. Yes I did complete it & received quite a good mark for it but I changed my mind so many times on the subject matter as I couldn’t decide what I wanted to write about.

I wanted a story that held my tutor’s attention but one that didn’t feel too cliché, even for non-fiction. I was going to write about my grandfather but every time I tried writing it I became stuck. I couldn’t get the right words down on the paper. I couldn’t structure the sentences to how I wanted them written. It was just too tough to write. I remember even ringing my dad to confirm details, but that didn’t move my writing along in the way I was wishing it would.

It actually annoyed the hell out of me as it was something I really wanted to write & had a passion to write but still no words came.

So I had to settle on second best & wrote about a part of my teenage years. It wasn’t the best I could have written but as I said I received a good mark for it.

For me I would therefore rather write fiction every time. I enjoy placing characters into situations I may not originally care for but that I come to love. I enjoy letting the story lead me instead of my ‘life’ leading it alone. Of course as writers we tend to put us into our stories but there’s something exciting about fictionalising those stories & not actually realising we are starring in what we write.

Banning books.

One other prompt on:  was: What do you think about the act for banning books?

Why would ‘higher authorities’ ban books? It actually annoys me that they think books need to be banned. Surely if they ban books it will actually make people go out & find that book.

If they publicise the banning of certain books that it will make them all the more popular as readers will be intrigued as to the reasons for banning it in the first place & they will therefore find it, buy it & read it. This defeats the idea of having a book banned.

It’s just the same as when they try to ban films, people go out of their way to find banned films which then makes them popular & years on they show them on TV or bring them out on DVD.

So why go through all the trouble of banning books? It seems a pointless task to me & involves unnecessary paper work, laws etc. So why bother? It will only make people discover the books either in other formats or from another paying/selling/buying market.

Surely it would be wiser just to allow the books to come onto the market & let readers decide for themselves. If some people disagree with the books idea or plot then they do not need to read or buy it.

Why destroy the enjoyment of other people reading books they make like or prefer to read just because some disagree with them?

Paperback or an e-reader?

Another prompt on:  was: Do you prefer paper books or e-readers?

Seeing as I do not own an e-reader device I have always stuck to reading paper books. I like the idea of holding a book & flipping over the pages. I like browsing charity shops for books I may not have read or want to read & forgot to buy when it came out new. I like the idea of knowing that others have enjoyed reading the words on each page before me & that when I take it back to a charity shop I know that someone else will go on to enjoy it.

As a writer I love dreaming of one day having a book published & seeing it with my name printed on the spine sitting in bookshops for people to enjoy.

But I am beginning to understand the digital age & the idea that many things can come from e-publishing. I was reading an article the other day about the opportunities for authors to now publish their short stories/poems/articles through the kindle store so that more readers can gain access to different author’s work much more easily than buying magazines they may feature in.

This actually began to appeal to me. I started to wonder if e-publishing my own short stories was the way to go as with the digital age growing rapidly around us this now seems a very viable option to many authors.

I have since discovered that my new phone now allows me to read e-books. This may actually sway me all the more towards e-publishing & e-reading...well once I work out how to install & work the app that is!

Last book I read.

One of the prompts on: is what's the last book you read?

I actually bowed down to all the hype & reviews & recently found myself reading One Day. With the upcoming film being released & no end of magazine articles being written about the wonder of this one book, I thought ‘right that’s it I MUST read this book!’

So over the course of a few days or so I began reading it. At first I was gripped & thought ‘yep this is pretty good, now I understand all the hype.’ But further in I lost interest. It began to bore me.

I wanted to shake the male character & get him to realise what a shambles he had become. I couldn’t understand why his best friend couldn’t do the one thing I imagine every reader of this book has thought. ‘Kick him where it hurts & get him to wake up to the world.’ But no instead the female character – his best friend – leaves the friendship. I sat there thinking ‘hey that’s not meant to happen,’ these two people are the best of friends through thick & thin surely?

But I still carried on reading because I knew if every review had been praising One Day so much then it must be good. I plodded on, turning each new page but not really enjoying it. Why couldn’t I enjoy one of ‘the best books’ out there at the moment? I was baffled but knew I had to persevere to the end.

I felt disappointed when the two characters got together – yes we could all see that one coming. It didn’t surprise me enough. I wanted more as a reader. As I got closer to the end & reached the sad part, I actually found myself not crying – as was predicted by the reviews – instead I found myself putting my bookmark into the book & falling asleep!

Yes I fell asleep. I wondered if I missed something. Did I skip a few pages? Did I skim read over the words so that they didn’t affect me hard enough to produce tears? Am I that ‘hardened’ to sad endings that I can’t be bothered with them? No, no, no. I checked the first two – I hadn’t skipped pages & I hadn’t skimmed the words – I also know I’m not ‘hardened’ to sad endings as I nearly cried over Rise of the Planet of the Apes the other day in the cinema!

So maybe the book just didn’t float my boat enough to affect me in the same way it affected ‘millions’ of people who read One Day. I think that perhaps I just need sharper written books, ones that really draw me into the drama on the page.

So I’m now onto another new book...let’s hope this one keeps me reading for longer & that I don’t lose my faith in the written word.

Wednesday, 17 August 2011

False blinkers

The other day I brought a nice glossy magazine & the freebie this month was: False eyelashes.

Pretty cool I thought only if though: 1.You love false eyelashes & 2. Don’t get a panic attack when reading the instructions. 

I really wanted the magazine so brought it. The eyelashes I would think about to do with later.

So when I got home I thought right let’s look at these things that are suppose to extend lashes to unbelievable length so that you probably can’t blink at all or shut your eyes...

I looked at the box...yes they came in a see through box thing...& noticed something that nearly made me pee myself. They actually labelled them! LEFT. RIGHT. I was giggling like some silly teenager. I have no idea why I found it funny to see these lashes labelled other than thinking why the hell do you need left & right on them when they are exactly the same in the box?

I started to read the instructions & panic set in. ‘Trim them down a bit to make them look less false’. Um excuse me but aren’t they false eyelashes?? Am I missing the point? Then it goes on to describe how to apply them. Now this is what scared the hell out of me. ‘Place some glue along your lash line & on the false lashes & carefully stick them down’. 

OMG a sudden thought came to me: what if you are getting ready for let’s say a girlie night out & you’ve had one or two glasses of wine as you pick out your outfit, put on your make-up etc & then you go to put the lashes on & heaven forbid your fingers get glued together or worse than that your eyes get glued together!

I had this vision of a woman hopping around unable to open her eyes, half naked & holding a glass of wine...probably glued in her hand! Okay that image is probably more for a Hollywood film - credit is due here! It was my idea first! – than real life but who’s to say it hasn’t or won’t happen?

Then what happens if you do successfully get them on without the above mishap & then get too drunk when you’re out & that once you get home you forget to 1. Take them off or 2. Take them off but put them back in the wrong labelled section in the box? 

If you don’t take them off do they slide of during the night so that you look freaky in the morning or do they slip a little & create problems trying to open your eyes up fully?

These things worry me when looking at one tiny innocent box with a left & right false eyelash in it. So my answer to this whole dilemma? Don’t use them. Instead I sent them off to my sister in law to be who’s friends might use them wisely & not have any mishaps sticking them on.



I am finding it harder as I go along in life to trust others. I have always been this person who easily trusts other people but if the s**t on me one too many times then I walk away. But as I’ve grown I’ve noticed I always forgive those who really let my trust down time & time again. I actually put myself through being upset just so I could spare their feelings. It’s not right & it’s pretty stupid of me to allow people to treat me badly.

So I kept vowing that if certain people let me down again than that was it. No more. I would know to never trust them again.

And guess what, they did exactly as predicted & let me down. So now I have no trust in them. Will I forgive them? Perhaps in time. I’m actually unsure at the moment if I can forgive them. I have this good monkey on one shoulder saying “in time forgive & forget” then the bad monkey keeps reminding me “this isn’t the first time it’s happened.”

Really though how can people earn your trust back? I’m not going to make them grovel for it. I just want some understanding on how they keep letting me down & that hey guess what I’m a big girl now & can say “I’m not putting up with this anymore.” & then I’d say goodbye & walk in the opposite direction.

I think people see me as a soft touch in some ways but there comes a time when you look in the mirror & say “whoa, no way, this will not continue/happen anymore.” I am stronger than this & it’s time that strong person reared its head & made a stand.

I’ve got to a stage now where I won’t be walked over. I think when other things perhaps become more important in your life & future then you realise that others who perhaps take you for granted or mistake your trust in them become less important in your life. You get to the point where you think no I don’t want you involved in what I do anymore.

If people do not respect the trust you have in them as a person then do they deserve to be a part of everything you do in your life? Or should you only allow them snippets?

You see I’m the sort of person who goes out of her way to make everyone around me happy. I won’t sit & make one call to a family member & hope they pass on my “gossip” so to speak, so I’ll normally end up calling everyone to make sure they are all well etc. But what has driven me mad in recent times is the feeling that some don’t go out of their way to return the ‘happy vibe’. I realised that most of the time I’m the one reaching out to others whom I trust & I never get one branch back.

But hey ho I guess that’s life in all its fine details.

Some people stick with you through thick & thin, others slip away & slowly lose the trust you built up for them.

I just know I’ll have to be more careful in the future as to whom I put my trust into. 

Another life lesson learned.